Serenity

We've lived here, at Belleholm, for about a year and a half now. I am still emptying boxes. Recently, I found a box filled with cards and notes from our wedding shower that I haven't seen since that day...almost eleven years ago. The box contained a large file of "Words of Wisdom" from all the people that attended the shower. Small notes that hold a great deal of knowledge and years of experience from people who know the ups and downs of married life.

 

Exhibit A:

The writing is in purple, indicating that the authoress of these Words of Wisdom actually BRINGS A PURPLE PEN WITH HER WHEREVER SHE GOES!

 

This prayer has become my mantra. I have a plaque in my front garden with these words. I have it cross-stitched and framed. Whenever I see this prayer, I think of the color purple. It is almost as though it is a subliminal message.

 

When things get rough up in these parts, I think of the Serenity Prayer. And no time was more pertinent than yesterday morning.

 

 

Meet Esther.

She's been up since 5am.

 

Confession: I have been trying (smashing my head against a wall) to get these crazy babies to sleep in past 6am for ~8 years now.

 

I have been unsuccessful. I have cried. I have had waaaaaaay too many cups of coffee. I have begged them. I have pleaded. I have kept them up until 10pm. I have let them run wild to exhaust themselves before bed. Nothing works. Even in the winter when the sun isn't even up, I cannot stop this. I bought clocks. I set limits. "You may wake up. You may brush your teeth. Make your bed. Get dressed. Read quietly. But you MAY NOT come downstairs until I have had my coffee." This only encourages them to wake up earlier to finish all of these things before they can grace me with their presence.

 

Daniel is teething, which means he is up all night eating and being soothed. This is okay with me. I can honestly sleep sitting up and nursing now. He fusses his little baby fuss and I nurse him and everything goes back to being silent.

 

Then: ESTHER.

She goes from "sound asleep" to "auditioning for a heavy metal band" in .03 seconds.

EVERY MORNING.

I am certain that she is the reason Matt is going bald and may or may not have had four strokes.

The girl just won't stop.

The excuses I have made up for this child are so pitiful:

~ She has personality.

~ She is spirited.

~She is the fifth born.

~She was born in the middle of the night so that is why she doesn't sleep.

~She is a Schwalm girl, so she is strong.

 

I could go on and on and on. But the fact of the matter is that she is just Esther. Matt wanted to name her a "good, strong name from the Bible so she would grow to be a good, strong woman someday".

Hahaha!

"someday"

Hahaha!

 

Anyway, it took my grandmother's persistence in continuing to repeat this prayer to me. And it took me until my fifth child turned two to finally understand. (Steep learning curve.)

All these years of early-rising children, I thought I needed courage to set more limits and rules. But apparently what I needed was wisdom to know that it was time to surrender.

White flag.

SERENITY NOW!

They win.

 

6am, you no longer frighten me.